Once upon a time, there was a bottle of sake. Now, this particular bottle of sake was a very special bottle of sake, more special than all of the other sake bottles in the world, with their fruity flavors and hot and cold temperatures, and tiny cups and rituals for drinking. While old, this bottle of sake wasn’t the most special bottle of sake because of its’ age, or, for that matter because of where it was located. It had originated in Japan, that strange, mystical, exotic land of Hello Kitty fanaticism and Harajuku girls, but now it could be found on a non-descript, dusty shelf in a darkened tavern on the corner of an unassuming street in the Midwest – not exactly the most glamorous of locales. Nor was it special because of the bottle it was in, for the vessel was simply glass and square and somewhat dingy, what with sitting on that aforementioned non-descript and dusty shelf for so long.
No, what made this bottle of sake special was what was in it. And what was in this bottle of sake was… reptiles. A snake and a lizard, to be exact. As well as few amphibians, of the salamandery and toady variety. And probably a couple of mouse droppings. (Damn dusty shelves!) The poor, pickled creatures stared out from the glass, cloudy-eyed and eerie, from their dank and dirty perch, night after night.
Most passers-by were either unaware or unnerved by their silently mocking gaze but one girl, one strange and somewhat special girl, viewed their mere presence as a challenge of her courage. Weird, creepy sake was not being consumed? No one would step up and try the nasty stuff? Inconceivable! This girl worked in the darkened tavern on the corner of the unassuming street in the Midwest and as she toiled into the wee hours every night, she would often find herself wondering, “What does that sake taste like?” and “I bet it tastes like evil, with just a hint of oakiness!” and once, upon closer inspection, “Eww! Is that a mouse dropping?”
It went on like this for months, until the girl’s 21st birthday. And on that day, the owner of the bottle and the owner of the tavern called the girl over to them and firmly placed the most special sake bottle in the world on the only slightly sticky slab of bar. Challenge extended. The girl took a deep breath and nodded. Challenge accepted. The three cracked open the bottle (after much maneuvering and grunting – it was a very OLD bottle) and readied shot glasses. Doing the honors, the girl poured.
The sake glistened in the lamplight and vapors of evil and oakiness (the girl was right!) wafted from the glass. With a few sly sideways glances to make sure the other two had their glasses ready, the girl pinched her nose and… bottom’s up! Churgle. Gah! Oh, it was awful! Like formaldehyde and reptile and grease and all things dark and unpleasant. It burned going down and gagged coming up.
But… it stayed down. And then it worked it’s magic and it was good and warm and probably had something to do with the shenanigans that were to occur later that evening. (I could elaborate here, but the girl would probably be a bit miffed, as her mother reads this blog. Suffice it to say, amphibious liquor = crazy times.)
The End.
*This blog post was supposed to be something completely different… hence the title. I was GOING to write about doctors and how much I despise them when they are right. BUT I started to write this and had far too much fun with it to stop. Consider it a writing exercise. Thanks for reading!
Sociopathways 